Ne hakili be yen

My spirit is there.

Hakili is a Bambara word used to describe ones essence--their substance, spirit, lifeblood, heart, principle, soul, core. Bambara is the language of the Malian people.

Every once in awhile, without realizing at first, I still speak Bambara to myself. I am glad for this. It reminds me that yes, I did indeed spend a little portion of my life over there, even though that time seems so far away now, as if a dream. Usually it is when I have just finished a task and I say "a bana." It is finished. Or something bad happens and I say "a manin." That's too bad. Or "doni, doni" (little by little) when trying to console myself when I'm not changing or learning as fast as I want to be. Or "Ne be se ka i ka furna ta wa?" Can I borrow your stove? (Just kidding on that one. I don't really need that survival phrase anymore)

My dear friend, Ma, has been listening to the dramatized Bible stories we created while I was over.  The stories are on a solar-powered, hand held, MP3 player-like thing. She calls it the wajuli machini "preaching machine."

Have you ever felt like you were somewhere else? Perhaps it takes the form of daydreaming in class. Or getting lost in a good book or movie. I was once sitting in class, thinking about this funny moment I shared with someone. Apparently it was obvious I was daydreaming because the teacher asked me in front of everyone what I was thinking about that gave me that smirk on my face. I blushed and the class and I laughed. Or maybe it's one of those moments in which you have studied so long that your brain feels shut off to any new information. "I'm gone," you might say to the person you've been discussing a group project with for the last five and a half hours. I don't know where I am, I'm just definitely not here.

Ne hakili be yen. My spirit is there. I don't know where yen (there) is, necessarily. I just know it's not here. Maybe it's sleeping in my bed, where I should be. Maybe it's in Mali. Maybe it's in North Dakota. Maybe it's not in this world. I hope not. This isn't a good place for one's essence to be I don't think.