From the Other Side of Hospice Care

The legacy being left to us from these two incredible people will carry us forward.

Taking care of my grandpa in his final days of life was a profound experience. Though it was fraught with challenging moments, it was a gift and a privilege in many respects. During his last week time slowed in a way I had never before experienced.

After complications arising from very recent health challenges, Grandpa came home from the hospital on hospice services on Tuesday. The doctor gave him a 1-7 day prognosis. He was lethargic and disoriented but it was evident he was relieved to be home. On Wednesday he was alert and his mind was clear. He visited easily with family and friends, and he ate well.

Still back home, I called him. 

Hi Grandpa! I'm coming in tomorrow to see you.

Coming in? From where?

From Michigan. This is Tennille. I'll be flying home tomorrow.

Oh, yes. Yeah . . . you better come.

With tears, I love you, Grandpa.

I love you, too.

Thursday, the day I flew home, Grandpa had a similar morning but he was starting to fade by afternoon. He was resting in his recliner when I arrived with flowers.

No, don't sit those there, they're going to spill.

Don't squeeze me too hard, my neck hurts.

With tears, I love you, Grandpa.

I love you, too.

Grandpa back asleep, conversation turned to the rest of the family who had gathered over the past couple of days. All of his children were now here and other grandchildren were soon on the way.

Later in the day, I leaned over to see if Grandpa was awake before I stepped out for a bit. Just when I leaned in front of him, he opened his eyes.

Boo.

With a smile, I love you, Grandpa.

I love you, too.

Though increasingly lethargic, Grandpa wanted to sit at the table for supper and he managed to eat a few bites of potatoes, dumplings, and rhubarb dessert--all-time family favorites. Then it was fast asleep again. Little did we know, we had just had the last real interaction we were ever going to have with him.

I volunteered to stay up that night with another aunt to care for him. This was the night he would take a turn. Painful coughing spells and exasperated breathing had us turning to the on-call nurse for support. I began to administer the medications that I all too often hear my nurse co-workers schedule and order. We were up every hour now. Grandpa became peaceful again but things were now shifting. We knew he wouldn't be with us long.

As more family arrived for the weekend, Grandpa held out. Each evening we thought, This will be the night. Each morning we asked, Will this be the day?

I spent another night with Grandpa a few days later. Every hour, it was again, we provided what he needed to stay peaceful and comfortable. Though we know not why or how, Grandpa made it through another day and another night, breathing his last around 7:00 a.m. Tuesday morning. The seventh and final day of the doctor's prognosis. That's Grandpa. 

I learned so much--about myself, about our family, about Grandpa--during those final moments of his life. 

I learned that sometimes you need to just go with your gut, go bold, and when you do, it will be okay. And in the end you'll know you did the right thing.

I learned that forfeiting sleep might sound like a sacrifice, but when you love someone so much and their comfort depends on your availability, it isn't a sacrifice at all. It's the easiest and most natural thing.

I learned that I have the most amazing family in the world. Hardships can bring out the best and the worst in people. What this brought out in us is Grandpa's legacy validated--family togetherness despite disagreements, mutual support and strength, love that covers all.

Being with Grandpa during his final moments was a gift I will treasure forever. It was hard, but it was worth it.

"All because two people fell in love"

A Tribute to My Grandfather

I had the intimidating task and privilege of writing and presenting my grandfather's eulogy at his funeral this past Friday. How does one encapsulate all that a person was as a husband, father, and grandfather in a document a little over a page and a half? With input from many family members, here is my best effort. I love you, Grandpa. I will miss you so much.

Robert “Bob” Suckut

Eulogy

By Tennille Shin, granddaughter

When I think of Grandpa, I think of sitting on his lap as a little girl, his brush running through my hair and his soft humming of what came to be known as the German lullaby. Grandpa always had a way of putting his grandchildren to sleep or calming us down with that lullaby. When we did cry, Grandpa would try to cheer us up by asking to collect our tears in a little cup so we could see them; and it worked. Grandpa loved children. At family gatherings, he could often be found with a child on his lap or children surrounding him enthralled with his humor and antics.

click to make pictures larger

Grandpa with great-granddaughter

Grandpa enjoyed working with his hands and he was known throughout the family as the man who could fix anything. Grandpa could see something in a store, then go home and make it himself. He never hesitated to fulfill granddaughters’ requests for hand-made picture frames and make his grandsons’ hand-made kites, which he then, of course, helped us fly. I think we were all filled with child-like wonder at his ability to make airplanes out of pop cans and yard ornaments out of piping.

Singing together with the family

Grandpa enjoyed gardening and it was always a treat to taste his fresh strawberries when we visited. He also loved music, teaching himself how to play the harmonica and guitar. Grandpa enjoyed polka and bluegrass especially and he was the number one fan of The Peapickers, often sitting in the front row with his tape recorder during concerts. Many of his children and grandchildren share his love for music through his influence.

Always finding time for fun

Grandpa also had a way of dealing with troublesome animals. While his children remember family gofer-hunting trips, his grandchildren may remember him shooting blackbirds out of the second story window with a bb gun. Then there was the electric line wired from his house to the bird feeder, rigged to a button, so he could give unwanted squirrels the shock of their lives. Now that I think about it, this sounds pretty similar to the story of Grandpa rigging the back seat of his car to shock unsuspecting passengers.

Grandpa at 90 with a chainsaw

Grandpa was a hard-working and active man. Everybody in town knew him from his daily 2-mile walk to the spur and back and as he walked he would pick up trash discarded by the roadside. As much as his children tried to keep Grandpa from doing exhaustive labor in his older years, he just couldn’t stop working. He continued to mow his lawn and blow snow at age 95. When his snow blower broke this past winter, he bought himself a new one and made his son go pick it up for him so he could keep going. I remember my mom calling me once last winter, “Grandpa was up pushing snow off the roof today.” Yep, that’s Grandpa.

Grandpa & Lace (granddaughter)

But even though Grandpa had such a strong work ethic, it never took him away from spending time with family. Grandpa was an active father and grandfather. He is remembered as a father who would lay down his chores for a quick baseball game in the yard or to teach his children to fish and hunt. He would even let his daughters put curlers in his hair and one day accidentally opened the door to a visitor forgetting they were there.  In the winter he would hook up a sled to the tractor and give his children rides while he packed the snow down in the driveway. And too many memories to count were made at the Jamestown Reservoir, where every summer he would take his children and grandchildren fishing at the camper at Smokey’s Landing.

As each of his children and then grandchildren grew up and married, Grandpa always welcomed each new spouse with as much love and affection as we knew. Whenever family or friends came to visit, they could always spot Grandpa sitting in his favorite recliner behind the picture window. He was always there when we drove up and always there waving with Grandma when we drove away. The time in between was easily spent eating fresh produce from his garden, visiting over a game of dominoes, or playing on the big bouncy ball Grandpa rigged to hang from the tree in the backyard. Upon leaving their home, without fail, we would all receive a hug and a kiss.

It almost goes without saying that Grandpa adored Grandma. As a small girl I remember Grandpa planting a huge kiss on Grandma’s lips in the middle of the street in front of the café. “Bob!” Grandma said embarrassingly. Grandpa replied simply, “What? We are married.” When Grandma was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1990, her doctor met with Grandpa, “If you love your wife, quit smoking." The story goes that even though Grandpa had tried to quit several times before, that very day Grandpa threw his cigarettes away and never touched them again. This was Grandpa.

                              

Two Months Married (1942)

69 Years Later (2011)

Grandpa was also a man of quiet faith. He thought for himself and had many questions about biblical topics. He enjoyed visits from Pastor Edwards and Pastor Pflugrad and shared many spiritual conversations with his children. When Grandpa chose to be baptized at age 91, Grandma chose to be re-baptized alongside him in support, another testament to their marriage. July 17, 2010 was a glorious day as his son, Randi, at Pelican Lake surrounded by family and friends, baptized him.  

Memories could go on forever and I’m sure we will all remember easily throughout the coming years whenever we hear a harmonica, taste a lemon drop, play a game of Rummikub, go fishing, listen to polka, or pick juneberries. Whatever memory it may be for you, it remains true for us all, Grandpa was a remarkable man who instilled in us the values of integrity, respect, work ethic, sacrifice, quality time, and family. And the legacy he left us will live on through all the lives he touched.

Picking Juneberries

Obituary

Picture Credits: Myndi Timothy

Bowdon Country Legacy

A month ago a friend of mine gave me this story she had obtained through friends living in Oregon. I was amazed as I looked at the title. This was my home church! This story was inspiring and encouraging to me. I hope it is to you, too.

"The Origin of the Seventh-day Adventist Church
at Bowdon, North Dakota"

Author Unkown

During the year 1890 two young Seventh-day Adventist families, the Lehr’s and the Knecht’s moved to a farming community south of Bowdon, N.D. This was during the days when farmers got around with a team of horses and a buggy.

With no Adventist church in the area and hearing that their Baptist neighbors met in various homes they decided to join them in worship on Sunday. They introduced themselves as Christians and said they were lonely and would like to worship with them. The Sunday church group gave them a hearty welcome.

After a period of time they discovered that these new visitors were Seventh-day Adventists. That day, after the service ended and the Adventist families went home the Baptists, fearing that some theological problems would disturb their worship, voted to ask the Adventist families not to attend anymore.

The next Sunday the two Adventist families went back to their neighbors’ church not knowing that they were not welcome anymore. George Unterseher, a leader of the Sunday group, met them at the door and told them, “You will have to leave. You are not welcome here since you don’t believe as we do.”

The Adventist group was quite surprised and said, “We are very sorry, we meant no harm. We are new here and lonesome for fellowship. We only wanted to sing and pray and worship with you.” With no further discussion, George Unterseher ushered them out. This brought a feeling of sadness to some of the Baptists who were present. Usually following the Sunday meeting the people would visit freely and talk about the events of the past week. But on this Sunday with the Adventists gone everybody was unusually quiet and very little visiting was done. Then all the people went home.

George Unterseher and his wife went to their home and did the evening chores and during the evening meal there was little conversation. When they retired for the night sleep did not come. After midnight George noticed his wife was not sleeping so he asked her, “What’s the matter? Why aren’t you sleeping?” His wife responded by saying, “Do you think we did the right thing by asking those Adventists to leave the church today?"

George got up and said, “I’ll show those Adventists they are wrong. I am going to find the text that says Sunday is the right day to keep.”

He lit the kerosene lamp and got his Bible and sat down at the table. He thought I am not going to bed until I find the text that tells us that Sunday is the right Sabbath for Christians.

He studied all night, then after the morning chores he resumed his studying and continued all day but could not find the text. The next night he studied until noon the next day. He was completely exhausted and said to his wife, “Mother, I do believe those Seventh-day Adventists are right.”

The Untersehers continued their study and the Lord guided them in a wonderful way. They still, however, met with their Sunday group, saying nothing about their new discoveries about the Sabbath.

As the weeks went by they heard that the Catholic Church had something to do with changing the day of worship. So Mrs. Unterseher hitched up the horse to the buggy and drove to the Catholic Church 20 miles away. She asked the priest, “Did the Catholic Church have something to do about changing the Sabbath day to Sunday?” He said, “Yes, I have a book that tells you all about that.” As she made the long ride home on the buggy she prayed that the Lord would direct them to find the answer from the Bible and the Bible only, not from man-made tradition.

The Untersehers continued their Bible search not telling their church friends about their new convictions. One Friday, George Unterseher told his family, “Tomorrow we are going to the home of the Adventist families and we will worship with them. We are going to start keeping the Sabbath.” They did not tell their Baptist friends about this decision.

On Sabbath morning they hitched their horses to the wagon and drove to the home of the Adventists. When George Unterseher rapped on the door and was invited inside, he told them, “We have been studying our Bibles a lot recently and we are now convinced that Saturday is the right Sabbath day. Can we join you in worship today?” Of course! Of course!

While they were visiting with the Adventist family, there was another rap on the door and it was another family from their Sunday group wanting to worship with them. They were surprised to see the Unterseher family there. And while they were visiting, there was another rap on the door and another family from this same group was there wanting to join.

On that Sabbath day, according to the story in that old letter, all thirteen Baptist families came to the home and told the same story. All had the same conviction from studying the Bible and praying, trying to prove that Sunday was the holy day to worship.

This was the beginning of the Bowdon Country Seventh-day Adventist Church in North Dakota.

The names of these members were John Bietz, John Otto, David Hegel, John Werner, John Tonn, George Unterseher, Emanuel Krueger, Leiske, Hassel, Hohensee, Schwandt, Schander, Seibel.

Some of these became ministers and my husband and I remember hearing some of these German preachers when we were young in North Dakota.

The story of their witnessing in various ways ought to encourage us that God can use us also.