From the Other Side of Hospice Care

The legacy being left to us from these two incredible people will carry us forward.

Taking care of my grandpa in his final days of life was a profound experience. Though it was fraught with challenging moments, it was a gift and a privilege in many respects. During his last week time slowed in a way I had never before experienced.

After complications arising from very recent health challenges, Grandpa came home from the hospital on hospice services on Tuesday. The doctor gave him a 1-7 day prognosis. He was lethargic and disoriented but it was evident he was relieved to be home. On Wednesday he was alert and his mind was clear. He visited easily with family and friends, and he ate well.

Still back home, I called him. 

Hi Grandpa! I'm coming in tomorrow to see you.

Coming in? From where?

From Michigan. This is Tennille. I'll be flying home tomorrow.

Oh, yes. Yeah . . . you better come.

With tears, I love you, Grandpa.

I love you, too.

Thursday, the day I flew home, Grandpa had a similar morning but he was starting to fade by afternoon. He was resting in his recliner when I arrived with flowers.

No, don't sit those there, they're going to spill.

Don't squeeze me too hard, my neck hurts.

With tears, I love you, Grandpa.

I love you, too.

Grandpa back asleep, conversation turned to the rest of the family who had gathered over the past couple of days. All of his children were now here and other grandchildren were soon on the way.

Later in the day, I leaned over to see if Grandpa was awake before I stepped out for a bit. Just when I leaned in front of him, he opened his eyes.

Boo.

With a smile, I love you, Grandpa.

I love you, too.

Though increasingly lethargic, Grandpa wanted to sit at the table for supper and he managed to eat a few bites of potatoes, dumplings, and rhubarb dessert--all-time family favorites. Then it was fast asleep again. Little did we know, we had just had the last real interaction we were ever going to have with him.

I volunteered to stay up that night with another aunt to care for him. This was the night he would take a turn. Painful coughing spells and exasperated breathing had us turning to the on-call nurse for support. I began to administer the medications that I all too often hear my nurse co-workers schedule and order. We were up every hour now. Grandpa became peaceful again but things were now shifting. We knew he wouldn't be with us long.

As more family arrived for the weekend, Grandpa held out. Each evening we thought, This will be the night. Each morning we asked, Will this be the day?

I spent another night with Grandpa a few days later. Every hour, it was again, we provided what he needed to stay peaceful and comfortable. Though we know not why or how, Grandpa made it through another day and another night, breathing his last around 7:00 a.m. Tuesday morning. The seventh and final day of the doctor's prognosis. That's Grandpa. 

I learned so much--about myself, about our family, about Grandpa--during those final moments of his life. 

I learned that sometimes you need to just go with your gut, go bold, and when you do, it will be okay. And in the end you'll know you did the right thing.

I learned that forfeiting sleep might sound like a sacrifice, but when you love someone so much and their comfort depends on your availability, it isn't a sacrifice at all. It's the easiest and most natural thing.

I learned that I have the most amazing family in the world. Hardships can bring out the best and the worst in people. What this brought out in us is Grandpa's legacy validated--family togetherness despite disagreements, mutual support and strength, love that covers all.

Being with Grandpa during his final moments was a gift I will treasure forever. It was hard, but it was worth it.

"All because two people fell in love"