Being Rebuked

One professor, one class, and suddenly I was reaching stress levels never known before in my existence. I couldn't understand his reasoning. I couldn't understand his theories. I was revolted by his teaching methods. I reviled his arrogance. I was convinced of his lack of application of the textbook to class discussion (and still am).

Suddenly, I was battling thoughts of "maybe I'm not graduate school material." "Maybe this isn't for me."

So when a group paper was due I went to talk to him. During the meeting he openly insulted my group members. He told me at the end of the session that beforehand he had thought of me as a student bordering on "brilliant" but now considered me more on the "mediocre" level. And all I could do was blink.

I knew what he was trying to do. He was trying to get me to push harder. He was trying to get me to put my heart into it. But might there be another way to encourage that? I posed to myself.

So I left his office and I protested. and I criticized. and I brought out all the things he was doing wrong. I conversed with the many others who felt the same way. We defended our rights as students, as financial suppliers, as people upholding to the profession's code of ethics. We attacked his status as an Adventist and a teacher. And something inside me whispered sadly "Tennille..."

Then a take-home mid-term was assigned with 5 essays that made my brain hurt. After spending three hours staring at them, typing a paragraph and erasing, typing, erasing, my mind numbing, my nerves aggravating, my dispair mounting, I concluded that there was no way around another visit with him. And I prayed.

So I went. Two hours later I left, and suddenly, I saw him as a different person. He was real. He listened to my frustrations and patiently explored my questions. He told me to throw out his concepts if I didn't like them. He told me to stop second-guessing myself. He told me something I've never heard before. He said "Somewhere, someone once told you that it wasn't okay to think for yourself. That you had to listen to the teacher even if you didn't agree. That you had to obey the rules and follow orders. And that makes me mad."

And I was rebuked. For here was a man I had detested saying he was angry at the way the world works...for me.

And now by God's good grace and mercy, I understand. And over the last week I have received innumerable phone calls from other students asking ME to explain to them the essays. Believe me, not because I am any wiser, but because God has bestowed on me His forgiveness and granted me HIS understanding.

Another lesson learned. Another chance offered.